Nico Appel

personal blog

Last seen in: Berlin, Germany
Connect on Twitter @nicoappel

Why I (probably) won’t call you on your birthday

I know, it’s not polite. I’m sorry. Actually I’m not. This is my little rant, maybe you’ll enjoy it.

So why will I (probably) not call you on your birthday? Frankly, because of my mom. This is not to say she is responsible (how could she), she just helped me to get clear about this. I made a decision and I thought I tell you about it here in case you’re wondering.

It’s your aunt’s birthday (again)

It was my aunt’s 65th birthday yesterday. My mom texts me and prompts me to “call my aunt”. I declined. I’m in South East Asia at the moment and even if I’d be just 2 minutes away from her house, I don’t like to be obliged to do this kind of thing.
So I told my mom to forward my best wishes to her sister and that I won’t call her. But my mother insisted and so I took the chance to explain this once and for all – hopefully. Here’s a summary:

I don’t care. My mom always tells me about people’s birthdays, especially relatives. It just doesn’t concern me. It never has and probably won’t in the future.

Don’t call me on my birthday

No one has to call me either or should feel obliged to do so. If you want to talk or have something on your mind, contact me any time. I don’t care what day it is.
I’m happy to not get called too often. It’s reactive. In 9 out of 10 cases calls come in at inappropriate times. Please, shoot me a message and let’s schedule something. If we talk, really talk, I want to give you my full attention and I’d appreciate to get yours as well. If it’s urgent, short and you can’t help it, call me.

As for relatives, I’m not sure. I have friends, people I like to hang out and spend my time with. I choose them carefully. I haven’t chosen my relatives. Which isn’t to say I can’t stand them but they are really concerned with totally different things, different worlds, not that much overlap – a complete disconnect.

Don’t blackmail me (like an idiot)

If someone thinks I’m an idiot or an arrogant bastard for not calling them on their anniversary, that’s fine with me. I won’t play the game where you blackmail me into doing something by you feeling “hurt”. Get over it, this is childish.

Let’s finish the story

So I told my mom to tell her sister that I won’t call and the reason why is that I don’t care about it. If my mom doesn’t want to tell her, she can tell them to ask me personally. I will tell them, no problem.
I’m (if that’s the right word) “sorry” for my mom feeling bad that she has such a weird son but she shouldn’t feel responsible for that. After all, education can only do so much and at some point kids become adults and have to make their own decisions and be responsible for them. My mother did her best. She did great, if you ask me, even if not everything turned out as she would have liked (parent’s dilemma, I guess).

I figure this means I will probably not get a birthday cake. That’s okay. I’m trying to keep low on carbs and avoid grains anyway – just another strange trait of the lost son.